


Homework

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Series: Lifelong Love Letter [32]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: F/M, Mention of postpartum depression, Relationship hard patch, Therapy, not as bad as it sounds, self-guilt, talk of the future, they love each other very much, working through things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-19 07:03:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22307131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Sebastian and YN are fighting to find their way back to each other
Relationships: Sebastian Stan/Reader
Series: Lifelong Love Letter [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1054796
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	Homework

For the past three weeks, you had been in therapy two times a week. Once on your own, and once with Sebastian. You were working hard on yourself and your relationship. It hadn’t taken your therapist long to suspect you might be suffering from a mild case of postpartum depression. You loved Isabella and hadn’t once thought about hurting her or yourself. That’s what you always thought postpartum depression was, but your therapist had taught you otherwise. 

You felt off. You didn’t feel like yourself. You had distanced yourself from Sebastian because of it. You woke up in the middle of the night worrying about Isabella for no reason, and you didn’t want to leave her with anyone other than her father. 

The last part your therapist had taken as a positive. Even if you had distanced yourself from him, Sebastian was still someone you trusted. The only one you fully trusted with Isabella. You hadn’t seen any of that before, and that first session had you crying against Sebastian’s chest, apologizing for you didn’t know what. He didn’t blame you one bit, he just held you and reminded you he wasn’t going anywhere. 

Before you left her office you signed up for solo sessions to get your depression under control. Those sessions were going pretty well. Understanding what you were feeling helped you, but you still didn’t want to leave Isabella with anyone other than Sebastian. 

Sessions with Sebastian were hard. He felt as if he should have seen how you were feeling, that he had given up on you too easily. You felt everything was your fault and that you should have told him how you were feeling. Last week you had been fighting a lot again, just like before Sebastian had moved out of the apartment. Only this time it was because you didn’t want each other to blame yourselves. 

This week had been a little better. Things had been awkward, but you had come to an understanding with each other. An understanding that you both needed to let the other go through whatever you were feeling in your own way. 

You hated the awkwardness though, and the homework your therapist gave you didn’t help matters. Maybe that’s why you had invited Sebastian over early to have dinner with you and Isabella. You let your daughter work as a buffer between the two of you, which appeared to work. For a moment you felt normal. Like you were a family again. 

You hadn’t been done cooking when Sebastian showed up, so he had hung out in the kitchen with you, playing with Isabella. The little girl adored her dad and was giggling and making happy baby noises. She kept reaching for him and showing him different toys. Sebastian’s attention never wavered as he happily went along with anything she handed him, even if he still managed to chat with you about the food, what Isabella had been up too, and possible job opportunities. 

Sebastian and you took your time feeding the little girl. When dinner was over, Sebastian offered to give your daughter a bath and tucked her in, while you cleared the table. When you were done, you headed for your bedroom, where you kept Isabella’s crib. You smiled, leaning against the doorway as you watched Sebastian kiss your sleeping baby girl goodnight. 

He smiled at you when he turned around to see you, slowly tiptoeing up to you. You backed up with a smile, letting him close the door behind him after turning on the baby monitor. For a few seconds, you just stood there, looking at each other. Neither of you willing to let this part of the day end just yet, but both knowing you had too. 

“You ready?” Sebastian reached out, gently tugging your hair behind your ear. 

You leaned into his touch, letting him cup your cheek as you looked up at him. You took a deep breath before kissing his hand and nodding. 

“Yeah. I guess so.”

The two of you walked to the couch and sat down across from each other. You felt nervous. You looked down and started to fidget with your hands, only for Sebastian to reach out and put his on top of yours. 

“It’s just me okay?” Sebastian reminded you, smiling softly when you looked up at him. 

“This is weird though. Sit down and talk about what’s on your minds,” you mocked your therapist, causing Sebastian to laugh. 

“I’d rather do trust exercises or something,” you grumbled, even though his laughter was putting you more at ease. 

“Hey if you wanna hop up on the couch and fall backward, I’ll catch ya,” Sebastian teased, laughing again when you stretched your leg, poking him in the stomach with your foot. 

“And just for that. You get to start,” you stuck your tongue out at him, and Sebastian pulled a face back at you. Your childish games made you both laugh before your eyes met, and you both grew serious again. 

Sebastian took a deep breath, before looking down. “What’s on my mind a lot is I really wanna move back home to you and Isabella.”

“Sebastian…” your voice was soft, and your heart hurt for having to reject his wish. You weren’t there yet, and you didn’t want to do anything that might cause the two of you to lose each other for good. 

“I don’t mean tonight or even tomorrow,” Sebastian quickly interrupted you, looking up at you with a sad smile. “I know we still have work to do, but that’s what’s on my mind the most. I miss the two of you when I’m not around and it kills me every time I have to walk out that door.”

“I’m sorry,” you felt yourself tear up as he spoke and Sebastian, quickly moved closer to you, pulling you against his chest. 

“Hey. No. Don’t do that. Don’t blame yourself,” Sebastian tried to put you at ease, but instead you pulled away from him. 

“How can I not? I was the one who told you to go,” you argued, but Sebastian just shook his head. 

“You didn’t. I was the one who offered that…” Sebastian tried, but you interrupted him before he could finish. 

“You offered to move out. To couch surf between your friends and mom’s place for months because you didn’t want me to move across the country with your daughter,” your voice was harsh, and tears were streaming down your face as you spoke. “I never meant to take her away from you, but Seb I almost did.”

“No you didn’t,” Sebastian stayed remarkably calm this time around. Maybe he had been working on that during his solo sessions. “Honey, we were fighting. You wanted the fighting to end, and going to your mom’s was the first thing that occurred to you. If that had happened, you would have been back. We would have figured something out.”

What Sebastian said sounded so rational, but you also hated the amount of faith he put in you when you still felt you were to blame for all of this. 

“You don’t know that. You can’t know that.”

“I do. Because I know you Y/N/N.” Sebastian tried to smile at you as he reached for your hand. This time you didn’t push him away. “And you have to stop blaming yourself for all of this. I ran away. I felt something was off between us, and instead of talking to you about it, I ran away to shoot a movie I got an offer for last minute.” 

You nodded and looked down at your hand holding his. You gave it a small squeeze, not wanting him to think you were mad at him as you confessed. 

“I did feel like you abandoned me. You decided on your own, and all of a sudden I was alone with a baby.”

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian’s voice was thick as he spoke and you looked up at him. You could see the tears pooling in his eye. You hadn’t wanted to hurt him. 

“You’re here now. That’s what matters,” you forced a small smile. “And I want us to be a family again someday. We both miss you when you’re not around.” 

“Yeah?” Tears were streaming down his face, and you could no longer help yourself. You leaned forward, wrapping your arms around his neck, holding him close to you. 

“I love you, Seba,” you whispered, smiling when you felt his grip on you tighten as he buried his face against your neck. 

“I love you too, Y/N/N. So much.” 

You didn’t say anything else for a while. You just sat there; holding each other. Sebastian was the first to pull back a little, looking down at you. Your heart skipped a beat and you felt like you did that night you first met. You wanted him to kiss you so badly and yet something stopped you, causing you to pull back at the last second. 

You saw a flicker of disappointment in his eyes, but he quickly masked it behind a smile as he reached for your hand again. 

“Your turn.”

“I… I think about you moving home, but…” you wanted to tell him. You had no idea why it was this hard. Maybe because this was a huge part of the reason you had pushed him away in the first place. 

“But?” Sebastian pushed, even though you could hear the flicker of doubt in his voice. 

“I don’t feel like myself.” You didn’t look at him as you spoke. “I’m not ready for us to have sex because I hate looking at myself still. I don’t want you to see me when…”

“Stop.”

You looked up at him with surprise written all over your face. Not once had he stopped you sharing anything with him before. 

“Honey how you feel is completely valid, but I promise you. What you see is not what I see. I see the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. I see a woman that gave me the most amazing little girl in the world. I see a woman that I have been completely head over heels in love with even way before she realized it,” Sebastian confessed with a smile, and you couldn’t help the smile on your face as you looked down with a blush. 

You knew Sebastian well. He was, despite everything, your best friend, and you knew when he was lying. He wasn’t now. He never lied to you, especially not about how he felt. 

“Hey.” Sebastian placed a finger under your chin, making you look at him. “Is that why you pulled away before. Because you thought I wanted too…”

“Yeah… I… logically I know you weren’t. I know you’re not like that,” you stammered. 

“Brad?” 

You had shared everything about your past with Seb long ago, even before the two of you started dating. He had never met Brad, and still, he spoke his name with so much disdain that it was almost dripping from his teeth. You loved him all the more for it too. 

“I know you’re not him. It’s just…” you tried to explain, but Sebastian just shook his head. He knew. 

“Trauma can be hard to shake. Especially when you’re feeling low,” Sebastian assured you. “I’m never gonna push you into anything you don’t want. I miss you. In every way. But I can wait. Sex is not even close to the thing I miss the most. Kissing you and holding you is up there though.”

His confession made you smile. You bit your lip and looked down. 

“What are you thinking?” Sebastian gently tugged your hair away from your face and you looked back up at him. He looked at you so softly and lovingly, it gave you the courage you needed.

“About you kissing me.”

Sebastian swallowed, licking his lips never taking his eyes off you. “Do you… Can I?” He looked at your lips, making you smile. 

“Please kiss me, Seba,” you asked gently as you leaned in close enough to feel his breath on your lips. Sebastian slowly closed the gap, letting your lips meet.

He kissed you slowly and tenderly, letting you feel all the love he held for you as he pulled you tightly against his chest. He silently promised you everything would be right between the two of you again, and you believed him as you kissing him back, making the same promise right back to him. 


End file.
